My 76th birthday will be in a few days. I have a first draft of a memoir that recounts an interesting and relatively privileged early life in other lands , then a hard life growing up with a single supporting mum who underwent a personality change whenever she had a (daily) drink. I hid in conformity, avid reading and avoiding myself. And compulsory heterosexuality—my addiction I guess. Claiming lesbian feminism in my 30s was difficult and oh so liberating. But past hard times have made it difficult to clearly remember events and the emotional depths I went to. I still can find myself occasionally disconnecting from self under stress. Needless to say, it was hard to write the draft. I’m now struggling to restructure it around some themes as this requires clarity that seems just out of reach. Thanks for sharing your story and giving me the opportunity to sort my ideas and emotions a bit more.
“I hid in conformity,” I can TOTALLY relate to that. It’s taken me 6 years of chiseling away at my memories to fully understand the breadth and depth of my memoir. For example, my mother wasn’t even mentioned in my first draft. When a writing mentor asked me how my memoir would look if I included her, I said, “that’s where the gold is.” I knew it…I just didn’t want to go there. It was tough going for a very long time. Clarity finally came this year after years of excavating and insight from others. Give yourself grace and patience..the process takes time.
Hmm, trouble is I don’t really have that luxury of time as I’m 76 and in poor health. If I’m going to finish the writing task I need to find the courage to press on regardless.
Oh yay, a fellow Tucsonan! We lived there for 10 years, both our boys were born there. Best Mexican food in the world! Do you and your wife have a favorite? We always loved Micha's and Karichimakas the best. I'm along for the ride, Deb! Can wait to hear all your stories and "travel" with you. And, I love your title, "Life is Short & Time is Ticking." Ain't it the truth? We've got to get our stories out there before time runs out. Somehow, though, it feels like there will never be an end to the stories, so maybe the telling of them will help us live longer! Fingers crossed!
We love Nico's and El Sur. We haven't tried either of those restaurants, so I'll put them on our list. Glad you're along for the ride Cheri Lee, and let's hope you're right about living longer by telling our stories!
I’ll be interested to read about your relationship with your mother. My own mother and I had a difficult relationship. I have a mental illness, and I believe she was undiagnosed.
I've been amazed by the number of people who have responded, "Me Too" when I've spoken in the last five years about having a mentally ill mother. I always felt alone and different. Sharing our stories lets others know they're not alone.
It totally makes sense. I'm 68 and it's only been in the last 5 years that I've been able to begin articulating the impact of how I grew up. It's a lifelong process for sure...and Amen Sister to this, "I genuinely believe that personal growth happens when we can openly address them without letting them define us."
What an amazing story you must have to share!
Thanks for stopping by Fanen
My 76th birthday will be in a few days. I have a first draft of a memoir that recounts an interesting and relatively privileged early life in other lands , then a hard life growing up with a single supporting mum who underwent a personality change whenever she had a (daily) drink. I hid in conformity, avid reading and avoiding myself. And compulsory heterosexuality—my addiction I guess. Claiming lesbian feminism in my 30s was difficult and oh so liberating. But past hard times have made it difficult to clearly remember events and the emotional depths I went to. I still can find myself occasionally disconnecting from self under stress. Needless to say, it was hard to write the draft. I’m now struggling to restructure it around some themes as this requires clarity that seems just out of reach. Thanks for sharing your story and giving me the opportunity to sort my ideas and emotions a bit more.
“I hid in conformity,” I can TOTALLY relate to that. It’s taken me 6 years of chiseling away at my memories to fully understand the breadth and depth of my memoir. For example, my mother wasn’t even mentioned in my first draft. When a writing mentor asked me how my memoir would look if I included her, I said, “that’s where the gold is.” I knew it…I just didn’t want to go there. It was tough going for a very long time. Clarity finally came this year after years of excavating and insight from others. Give yourself grace and patience..the process takes time.
Hmm, trouble is I don’t really have that luxury of time as I’m 76 and in poor health. If I’m going to finish the writing task I need to find the courage to press on regardless.
Keep slogging through, you’ll get there.
Hurrah for you ...i am also a writers @ work cohort...lovely writing heartfelt and engaging
Thanks for stopping by Lucy, and so glad to be in the W@W cohort.
Oh yay, a fellow Tucsonan! We lived there for 10 years, both our boys were born there. Best Mexican food in the world! Do you and your wife have a favorite? We always loved Micha's and Karichimakas the best. I'm along for the ride, Deb! Can wait to hear all your stories and "travel" with you. And, I love your title, "Life is Short & Time is Ticking." Ain't it the truth? We've got to get our stories out there before time runs out. Somehow, though, it feels like there will never be an end to the stories, so maybe the telling of them will help us live longer! Fingers crossed!
We love Nico's and El Sur. We haven't tried either of those restaurants, so I'll put them on our list. Glad you're along for the ride Cheri Lee, and let's hope you're right about living longer by telling our stories!
Oh, and I'll add those to our list next time we visit. We moved in 1996 so we either missed them or they are newer. Thanks!
Thank you for sharing. I always enjoy.
I appreciate that Judy!
Thx for sharing.
You're welcome.
I’ll be interested to read about your relationship with your mother. My own mother and I had a difficult relationship. I have a mental illness, and I believe she was undiagnosed.
I've been amazed by the number of people who have responded, "Me Too" when I've spoken in the last five years about having a mentally ill mother. I always felt alone and different. Sharing our stories lets others know they're not alone.
Small world!
It totally makes sense. I'm 68 and it's only been in the last 5 years that I've been able to begin articulating the impact of how I grew up. It's a lifelong process for sure...and Amen Sister to this, "I genuinely believe that personal growth happens when we can openly address them without letting them define us."